God’s plan for me?

What a question right? Anyone got the answer? hahaha…. The big guy has been pretty quiet with me lately and I have been asking him many questions.  We recently moved to Texas coming down from New England and we both felt called to this part of the Country by God.  We have both been getting a little frustrated by the immediate lack of clarification for our journey by God.  Even though we both know its all in his hands and it will all be done in HIS time. Putting together the pieces of the move alone have been a challenge and I think we had hoped for an answer to why we were sent down here by him.

We have been church shopping and of course one of the major messages we hear on a weekly basis is that Jesus forgives us and always forgives us.  This is truly breath-taking and uplifting.  I need to ask however, are there any veterans out there that, although love and follow Jesus, have a hard time understanding the depth of his love and forgiveness for us?

Considering my past, including time in uniform I go back and forth between overwhelming feelings of his grace and then spiraling feelings of confusion and guilt about how I have let him down so badly.  Therefore, how can he continue to love me and forgive me?

What will I say to him when I finally meet him as an old man? What will he say to me?

Any thoughts?